Reality TV is about to get its cherry popped by something it has never seen before: a virginity auction.
Australian filmmaker, Justin Sisely, is the brain(less)child behind this adventure, or romp, as it were.
This is not the first virginity auction ever. They happen all over the world. But it is the first ever that could potentially be nominated for an Emmy.
About a year ago, Sisely began a real cherry picking mission – recruiting virgins willing to sell themselves to the highest bidder.
Virgins will get their $15,000, 15-minutes, and at least a solid 15 seconds of something else.
Actually, that is unfair to say. Virgins will get up to $20,000, plus 90 per cent of their bidding price. The other 10 per cent goes to on-set expenses (a brothel).
Australian authorities threatened to charge Sisely with prostitution if filming went ahead, so he moved the production to Las Vegas.
There are no prostitution laws in Sin City.
And further, Sisely insists this is not prostitution. He says he’s merely exploring “the idea of virginity as a commodity.”
True. That is not pimping.
That is glorified pimping.
Sisley is quick to contradict himself however, "It's a one-time thing. It's not like they're continually going to be a prostitute."
So one-off prostitution is not really prostitution because it’s not long term? It’s just there to help out in a moment of need.
Like Millionaire! When in need, you have lifelines. It is okay to use each of them once...
Phone a friend, ask the audience, or have sex to make a quick buck!
So how does Sisely know if his auction items are indeed pure? The same way parents know for sure that their teens are cherryful angels.
They say so… in a contract.
Yes, Sisely has done the impossible. He has attempted to introduce a legal definition of virginity. (This does not even exist in the medical universe.)
Ironically, his virginity definition has all sorts of holes in it.
For example his contract stipulates:
“A female ‘Virgin’ in this instance is defined as a female applicant who has not had the introduction by a person of his penis into her vagina or anus regardless of whether or not there is or has been the emission of semen.
“A male ‘Virgin’ in this instance is defined as a male applicant who has not introduced his penis into the vagina or anus of another person regardless of whether or not there is or has been the emission of semen. Additionally, the male ‘Virgin’ must not have had the introduction by a person of an object or penis into his anus…”
So, for instance, a lesbian who has used an object with her partner, is still a virgin. But a male who has been object-ified by his partner is not?
Speaking of objectified…
A 21-year-old woman from Sydney, who uses the name Veronica, told an Australian newspaper she signed up for the auction to earn money and challenge traditional perceptions about sex.
"Technically I'm selling my virginity for money, technically that would be classified as prostitution, but it's not going to be a regular thing, so in my head I can justify that I'm not going to be a prostitute.
"I don't think I'll regret it."
Well, technically, she may not.
Another candidate, “Ronan”, told the paper he’s sick of waiting for the right girl and would consider any offers.
So any wrong girl, who makes any offer, would then be right?
And “Alex” says he applied as a way of meeting someone.
Yes, “meeting” someone.
You can imagine the initial conversation, “Hello, my name is Penis. Pleased to meet you, Vagina.”
And it's quite mind-boggling that these bid items have decided to sell their virginity to anybody in the world in front of everybody in the world, but still feel the need to protect the purity of their names with pseudonyms.
Pseudonyms. The new virginity?
Sisley admits his plan was unpopular with the parents of the people involved and says, "They hate me."
But, he shouldn’t worry. They won’t hate him forever. It’s not as if their precious children will "continuously" be prostitutes.
Still, it is more than just parents who hate him.
Sisely has received death threats for advertising his “auditions” with a photo of the Virgin Mary with male genitalia on her forehead. Apparently, sexual exploitation is fine, but not if you're gonna mess with the Holy Mother.
From the Holy Mother to wholesome entertainment, get ready for a new season of real cherries on the tube.
It’s time to auction off virginity. Going once…
Well, with born-again virgins, and Sisely's hole-filled definition of virginity that may be a little presumptuous.
Perhaps it is more like...
The virginity auction: Going once, going twice, hoed.