 Perhaps even more elusive than the cure for the common cold, I have discovered the cure for homelessness. Not only that, but it will make a lot of people rich, and I’m not just talking about the homeless. Face it, society does not like homeless people. They are sore-filled eyesores who waste space and sleep in waste. They’re dirty, stinky, and sometimes scary. Walking portraits of our worst fears. Toronto’s new mayor, Rob Ford, says, “We can’t leave people on the sidewalks freezing to death.” No kidding. Have you ever tried to scrape frozen trash off your garbage bin in winter? Imagine how difficult it would be to get a frozen, dead homeless person off the sidewalk. So, Ford wants to force the bums off the streets and into shelters when the temperature plummets during cold months. “I’m not going to walk by someone shivering on a grate when it’s -20 out. That’s just inhumane,” the mayor continued. He has a point. Ethics dictate that it is only humane to walk by someone shivering on a grate when it is -19 Celsius or warmer.  And really, why should we even have to walk by homeless people in one of the richest countries in the world? Life is just not fair. Canadians have thrown out over $1.3 billion, by spending money on services for the homeless. The same amount of money could have been put to better use, such as the $1.3 billion G20 security in Toronto this past summer. It is unclear why homeless are even called homeless. If home is where the heart is, as long as their hearts are beating they are home, aren’t they? For some, I would even venture to say home is where the cart is. But, I digress… Enter my cure for homelessness: Homeless Idol. Or, So You Think You Can Have a Home. Well, Homeless Idol is (ironically) the working title. It will be bigger than American Idol and definitely classier than Canadian Idol (more specifically classier than its orange host, Ben Mulroney). And with Canadian Idol cancelled, there is a new prime time slot open.  Ted Williams. Former Homeless man. Admittedly, I got the idea from Ted Williams who can be heard here. The vagabond with a golden voice now has countless, incredible job opportunities rolling in. Better than that, at the time this story was published, he had already generated almost 7 million views on the above video. Antoine Dodson is another example of our infatuation with the vagrants. He may not have been homeless per se, but he did live in the Alabama housing project Lincoln Park. So, yeah, pretty much homeless. Dodson was interviewed by a TV station back in July, about the attempted rape of his sister by a bedroom intruder. His interview style caught worldwide attention, he became a cult hero, and garnered tens of millions of YouTube views and counting - on just one of his videos. Now, he is making money the old-fashioned way, by living off his 15 minutes. Ted Williams. Antoine Dodson. Not just homeless names anymore. They are household names now. You can take the homeless out of the home, but you can also put him back in. And that is my intention with Homeless Idol.  There are at least 250,000 homeless people in Canada – more than 3 million if you broaden your definition of homelessness. There must easily be that many untalented people whom we’ve watched or supported on TV at one point or another.
Let’s gather all the homeless. Put them in a front of an officer-guarded camera, and see what talents they have hidden under all their rags. Hey, if people can clamor to watch Jersey Shore drek, they can watch this too. We don’t like homeless people. We don’t like to help them. Yet, we do like to see them succeed. Interesting dichotomy. But, more interesting is the staggering potential of revenue from the show. If there were a cure for AIDS would we not use it to prevent the deaths of millions of people? We have a cure for homelessness. So why do we not use it? It may not be as contagious as AIDS, but it is certainly more prevalent in Canada. In a country where we have the riches, resources, and production capabilities for such a program, it is impossible and irresponsible to say no to it. And, hey, if we put Homeless Idol on CBC, maybe we can kill two tax burdens with one show. To read a true riches to rags story here's Southside Johnny.
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