 Women. We are the worst. A British study finds that females over the age of 33 should dress like they are 66. Which is odd, because I thought 66 was the new 33. Yes, in this survey of 2,000 embreasted and embittered people, it has been concluded that miniskirts must be skirted after 35, at which point naval piercings are also nay, and ponytails must be curtailed after 51. Oh, and this is just the tip of the women-can-be-cold-as iceberg. No sneakers after 44 and no swimsuits after 61. By this notion, perhaps broken hips and painful joints are more en vogue than sneakers and swimsuits? The list of don’ts goes on. Still, the most important don’t to take from this survey? Don’t believe it. Of course, since this study [pronounced: crucifixion] has been released, there are those who point to celebrities such as Madonna, Sharon Stone, Jennifer Aniston, and Demi Moore.  Bravo. Let’s prove a survey wrong by citing tampered evidence. How’s about we prove it wrong by example? Now, I’m not proud of it, but I will admit I sometimes look at other women and compare myself to them. This is just how it is. “I wish I had her skin.” “If only I could be as tall as she is.” “I have nicer shaped thumbnails than she does.” (Yes, we can be very detailed oriented.) So, even though this study was performed in Britain, by no means are its results exclusive to British women. Women are by nature – and nurture – a critical bunch. And that’s critiquing it lightly. Seriously, it’s not bad enough that we live in a world where you are never the prettiest girl, but where you are always encouraged to be her. We also have to live in a world where we victimize ourselves AND others AND then cry, “Why me?” That’s right, women. Not only are we the ones doing so much of this malevolent encouraging, but we are also the ones doing so much of the melancholic whining.  Yes, the media perpetuates this. Yes, it’s like a cancer of society that robs us of our potential, as we strive through futility to achieve fleeting goals of physical beauty and acceptance. Yes, we all know this. We just can’t accept this, because that means we have to face ourselves stripped of the superficial. And then who are we? Apparently, more than two thirds of participants in the survey agree that women should just grow old gracefully. Graceful means kind, stylish, charming, elegant … which indicates that more than two thirds of those surveyed either have a poor command of the English language, or are not the least bit graceful themselves. Well, since we seem to like don’ts so much, here are the two most important don’ts to follow: 1. Don’t give others permission to tear you down. You do a good enough job of that on your own; and, 2. Don’t tear others down. If you take a piece out from the pyramid it will fall. Wear what makes you feel good. Dress in whatever way makes you feel like you.  Either this is Betsey Johnson (68), or me at 68. I’m not saying to go to Teeny Boppers Are Us and buy a bubble gum belly shirt (unless you are Betsey Johnson, because then that just may be you.)
Of course we all make unflattering choices from time to time, but these choices don’t define us, instead they should help refine us. Just look back at your teenage years, you thought you had it together, now you can’t believe what you looked like. Know that as you age, your youth isn’t taken from you; on the contrary, it is what shapes you. So, in the end, this survey has zero value, other than serving as an example of the self-destructive flaws of women. That said, rather than focus on how others shouldn’t live, focus on how you should. And remember, as I always say (and sadly all too often forget), it’s perfectly wonderful to be nowhere near perfect.
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