NOprah

There’s a quote making the retweet rounds on Twitter:

Running is a great metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it.
- Oprah Winfrey

Yes, the omnipotent, omnivore Oprah, in all her wisdom, has broken down life for all of her (Twitter) followers to understand. Turns out, the big secret we’ve all been looking for, almost managed to run away from us.

Life is just like running.

For the record, I side more with Team Forrest on this one.

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Life is more like a box of chocolates …

You never know if you’re gonna get one, but you do hold out hope.

Or you can easily indulge and end up regretting it.

And, yeah, yeah, like Gump said, “You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Unless Oprah gives it to you. Then you know one of two things every time:

1) It is probably BS; and,
2) You’re gonna have to pay taxes on it (if you’re American).

(Remember the 276 Pontiac G6’s? After the show, awareness for the newly released car went up 87 per cent. But Oprah never gave away the biggest secret of all – GM donated the cars. So Oprah didn’t pay for them, but her audience members sure did. Up to $7,000 in taxes each.)

Now, let’s get back to her “a-ha moment” and break it down to get the gist.

You get out of running what you put into it = You get out of life what you put into it.

What a revelation!

Next thing you know she’ll tell us how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar.

But, just to be sure that POprah and all her brilliant guidance isn’t lost on us, let’s run this quote down, so we can get the most we possibly can out of it …

Is Oprah implying that only with running will you get out of it what you put into it?

For instance, can you cycle, or would you not get as much out of it as you put in? And must you really walk a mile to travel a mile?

What about relationships? What about personal health? What about work or school? Do you have to put into them, what you want to get out of them?

What about talk shows?

Does Oprah ever get more out of talk shows than she puts into them? Because she has gotten a lot.

For instance, a net worth of over a $2.7 billion, an influence over a billion people, and money off Dr. Phil (who did earn a PhD in psychology, but is neither a medical doctor, nor licensed to practise psychology). 

On a side note, perhaps "Dr." Phil was the one who diagnosed Oprah with the “hypothyroidism” that plagued her weight for years. Incidentally, once diagnosed with hypothyroidism you go on medication that regulates your thyroid.

Further, had her thyroid problem been as dramatic as she claimed, she would have been too tired to do anything, and would have caused herself serious long-term health problems, beyond hypocrititis and bigheaditis.

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And no, we won’t talk about (all) the ways Oprah abuses her power and influence, because there are A Million Little Pieces we could talk about.

Remember when Oprah’s research staff apparently went on vacation and she propelled James Frey’s “memoir” to number one on the New York Times best seller list.

Then three months later, her research staff went on another vacation when Frey was accused of lying, and Oprah defended his authenticity on Larry King Live – only to bring Frey on her show two weeks later for a humiliating attack in front of millions.

(It’s okay though, she flip-flopped again, and soon after phoned Frey – privately – to apologize.)

And no need to discuss “the single greatest love story” that Oprah touted as true either. It’s not her fault that her research team is always on vacation.

They’re probably overtired – hypothyroidism perchance?

And here’s a classic episode on pedophilia, in which Oprah says “9,000 penises.”

Anonymous pranksters claimed to be part of an organization that had “9,000 penises” and left this comment on her message board. Oprah’s journalism background must have urged her to report it.

I guess with so much money, Oprah is accustomed to this buy-now-pay-later attitude.

Another example of this is her 2007 investment in a school for underprivileged girls in South Africa. Less than a year later, allegations surfaced of sexual abuse by the staff.

The big OW (also a sound effect for pain) did investigate the situation and immediately sought to remedy it. But shouldn’t the staffers have been investigated before investment?

Whatever the case, there are many incidents in all our lives where we have all made mistakes.

I know I've made mine ... including watching some episodes of Oprah. Hours of my life, I can never retrieve.

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Oprah's $42 million private economical jet

But in all seriousness, this is a woman who speaks left and lives right.

“You must buy this fabulous product.”

“Stop putting yourself in debt.”

“I love all my homes and flying to them in my private jet.”

“Reduce waste. Reduce your carbon footprint. Save the environment.”

“I’m never dieting again.”

“Join me on my 20-year yo-yo diet.”

Finally, back to her now infamous quote...

Sure, Oprah is right. Running is a great metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it. You get out of anything what you put into it.

You know what?

Forget life being like running. Forget life even being like a box of chocolates.

Life is like a donkey. And you do get out of it what you put into it. And Oprah has certainly put a lot into it.

But, if you stuff too much food into a donkey’s mouth, would you really want to eat what comes out its ass?

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