Iran Finally has it Right

So Iran, the country elected to the UN Commission of Status for Women, which already enforces strict veil cover-up laws for its women, has now issued hair cutting rules and regulations for its men.

Yes, the “Islamic haircuts” were unveiled (sure, pun intended) at the Hijab and Chastity Festival.

Hijab, by the way, is defined as the veil that covers a Muslim woman’s face, and as a modest style of dress.

Chastity is defined as, “Woman, you’re a whore who deserves to die if you don’t let your husband rape you – and if you’re one of the 33 per cent of Iranian women who are raped by anyone, you’re an even bigger whore who must be brutally tortured to death.”

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Anyhoo, Iran is simply cracking down on male expressionism with “unIslamic” [pronounced: Western] haircuts – and rightly so.

Iran’s Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance has given its approval to these new rules. And so the government is at liberty to punish these hair-raising delinquents.

Upon first offence, the perpetrator’s locks will be inexpertly shorn at a police station. Repeat offenders can face stiff fines and Allah knows what else.

So, good on you, Iran!

The new Iranian haircut. Not 'The Rachel.'

Who really wants to see another mullet? That should have died with Billy Ray’s Achy Breaky Heart.

Long hair and ponytails are out too, and quite frankly, no man should sport long hair or a ponytail, without express written consent from at least 50 men and 25 women who deem it stylish on him.

(Since women’s opinions are stronger, and often more credible on the subject, their votes carry more weight. Essentially, one female vote on the topic would equate to that of two males. That’s why 50-25.)

Hey, it’s all about equality. Just like in Iran.

And if anything is unequal and unworthy, it’s dogs. Just like in Iran.

The growing fashion in Tehran’s wealthier northern suburbs is to keep dogs as pets. But, under some Islamic tradition, they are considered “unclean.”

A senior cleric issued a fatwa (religious ruling), against the practice last month.

“Friendship with dogs is a blind imitation of the West,” said Grand Ayatollah Naser Makerem Shirazi.

“There are lots of people in the West who love their dogs more than their wives and children.”

Well, yes, since the cleric made no mention of the Islamic issue with “unclean” dogs, focussing solely on the friendship with dogs as a Western world similarity, we all clearly understand what’s truly at stake here.

And honestly, if I were Iran, I too would be concerned. I wouldn’t want the men, mixing up their love for their wives with the love for their dogs… They could end up raping their dogs.

Then again, as such lowly creatures, the dogs would surely deserve it.

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