Do sagging boobs equate to a sagging economy?
Today, many news outlets are reporting that plastic surgery is rebounding with the economy. In other words, as jobs grow, so do breast sizes.
It certainly stands to reason that there are growing opportunities to work at Hooters. The breastaurant has shown that any economy can support inflation, or inflated chests, as it were. After opening shop in China, the Philippines, Singapore, South Korea, Taiwan, and most recently Japan, Hooters is not only recession-proof, but is proving successful, in many ways.
Rep. Julia Hurley, a newly elected Tennessee legislator, writes in the current issue of Hooters Magazine that her experience working there led her to later success in business and politics.
So, let’s review:
The economy is improving because more women are getting breast augmentations. Hooters never went tits up during the recession, because it went tits out. And now an American politician, no less, a Republican one, says she credits a restaurant - known more for its thighs and breasts than wings – for her achievements.
Considering the impact and influence of mammary glands, it begs two questions:
1. How is Dolly Parton not the president of the United of States of America?
2. How is it that California’s economy is not only one of the worst in the U.S., but it is also seen as one of the weakest links (along with Illinois), despite L.A. being one of the most populous city in California, and second most populous city in the United States?
According to statistics from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, 13.1 million minimally-invasive and surgical cosmetic surgeries were performed in the United States in 2010, up five per cent from 2009.
ABCnews.com reported the same information as many new sources today, “... along with many other industries, plastic surgery suffered in the economic downturn that began in 2008. The uptick in cosmetic procedures is the first since the recession began.”
And then there was another report.
It explained, “When the economy is not at its best, businesses suffer major losses. The cosmetic surgery industry, believe it or not, does not suffer quite as much. Despite negative consumer affects brought forth by a poor economy, plastic surgery remains on the rise.”
That article is dated February 19, 2009. For those who have never worked at Hooters, and don’t have the confidence or intelligence to succeed at the math, that is two years ago.
The report goes on to explain that most forms of cosmetic surgery range between $3,000 and $15,000 (USD), and since that is unaffordable to many, people resort to special plastic surgery financing.
In the face of economic woes, the American dollar dips, interest rates are lowered, financing is more “affordable” and the U.S. is more attractive to foreigners looking to make themselves more attractive.
So, if news from two years back, says that plastic surgery thrived in spite of economic collapse, then how is it that plastic surgery is now the barometer for this supposed economic rejuvenation?
This notion, barraging us from all sorts of credible media, sounds more Botoxed and lifted than a bunch of celebrities on the Academy Awards red carpet.
But I di-breast…
Rather than judging the economy by the number of nose jobs and tummy tucks, let’s take a look at something that is not so pretty: the poor and the jobless.
As of January, the U.S. jobless rate was at 9.4 per cent, marking 21 straight months at or above the devastating number.
The new unemployment rate is 6.7 per cent. This new rate has also been calculated after countless (unreported) people just stopped looking for work. Those not searching employment are not counted in the statistics.
Estimates suggest that the true jobless rate is around 17 per cent.
And even discounting the stats, economists agree that any increases in employment are likely temporary, and labour market slack is expected to persist for years.
So, all in all, you should probably disregard news “stories” of the great upswing in the economy given the “upswing” in plastic surgery.
Because those stories are just as fake as all those surgeries.
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