Canada Post Fails To Go Postal

Dear Canada Post,

I would like to apologize for being so insistent that you send my mail to me, at the address indicated on all the correspondence people send for me to receive. But, as you clearly told me, your “decision is final.” So, my mail - that is addressed to me - will continue to be delivered to my parents.

Alas, I also admit I was wrong for calling you (since March) to get my mail that is properly addressed to me, re-directed – to me. Understandably, you would not to concede to my wishes.

I get it. Message delivered (or undelivered, as it were).

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As for the “compromise” I tried to initiate (even though it was in pure jest given my inexplicable frustration), well please forgive me for that too.

Yes, I apologize for jokingly offering you the opportunity to meet me half way, when I asked that you deliver my mail to the nearest post office, rather than my parents’ house across the city. And believe me, I thought you were joking when you wanted to charge me for it.

But, again, that was just a joke, and you didn’t have to start reciting mail-holding policy to me on that. After 30 minutes into my umpteenth call with you… well, I just thought you’d get my humour by that point. Seriously, I’d say I talk to you more than I do my mother, but considering my daily trips to her place to pick up my mail, I still may talk to her more.

Anywhere to anyone, so it may not be to you.

In all honesty, if you were to compromise with me and send my mail to the nearest post office, I would prefer that shorter drive to the cross-Toronto drive to my parents’ place.

By the way, did you know Toronto has the worst traffic in all of North America (and that gas costs about a buck a litre)?

Call me lazy and spoiled, I just prefer receiving my mail to my home.

But at least, the mail is shipped to my mom and dad - a very good thing considering your policy on this issue, which I should honour. I mean, you do have a point. Why should I be allowed to talk to you about this issue, when the mail is not even infringing upon my property?

You are right. The mail is erroneously going to someone else’s address, and it should only be that person who is allowed to complain.

I have no right to moan that I don’t receive letters intended for me.

Oh, I just thought of something funny. Imagine if my mail went to some stranger, instead of my parents. And I’d have to wait for that stranger to call in to Canada Post to remedy the situation.

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The stork must work for Canada Post.

Ah, whom am I kidding? That could never happen. Canada Post would never remedy the situation. Because, as you told me, the decision is final: My mail, which is sent to my proper address, will continue to be re-directed to my mother and father’s home.

So, I guess it is a mistake, the 10 per cent of the time when I do receive my mail at my home? Pretty good, I suppose. Based on that, you only screw up 10 out of 100 times. (Interestingly, it’s always the bills I receive. Never the cheques.)

Somebody asked me the other day how all this happened. In your defence, I explained this appears to be a technical error.

“What type of technical error?” I was asked.

“Stupidity,” I said.

“Canada Post is technically stupid.”

But really, I get it. My parents moved and forwarded their mail to go to my address until they had a permanent one. Then, once they had a permanent address, their mail was then re-directed there.

Along with my mail.

Oddly, over the course of the past half a year, I have had respites where my mail was well received. But for some reason, this never lasts.

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So, no matter how many times you have explained what needs to be fixed to your employees (whom you blame for the problems with my mail – when you are not blaming me), in the end, your final decision is to close my case file, and continue sending my mail elsewhere.

Strange. I thought the final decision of Canada Post was, according to its Customer Service Vision Statement, to “[provide] its customers with seamless, value-managed experiences that meet or exceed their expectations.”

Or in another words, deliver mail to the address indicated on the envelope.

To be fair, I guess you prefer to follow the spirit of the law, as opposed to the letter of the law. Both literally and figuratively.

Still, in the end, you may fail to make my letters properly go postal, but congratulations nonetheless! You have succeeding in making me go postal.

Finally, I’ve addressed this letter to you, Canada Post, so that you receive this message, even though I have secret hopes that it’s delivered to your parents – the Canadian public.

In Appreciation,
Dahlia Kurtz

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