25 things you NEVER wanted to know about me ...

25. i typically read magazines from back to front. so i thought you may like to read my list that way too…

24. as a little girl, i often tried to sneak into the boys' washroom, just to make sure that all boys actually had peni…

23. i don't believe the plural of penis should be penises, rather i strongly avow it should be peni [pronounced: peen-eye].

22. i have always excelled at grammar... and could probably write a book on textbook grammar... yet i often choose not to adhere to any rules of grammar… "..." is pretty much all i need... so i’m goin’ commando with the grammar today…

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21. ... (see #22)

20. at 4 years old, i "beat up" a grade one'er (as well as any 4-year-old - with 7-year-old fighting talent - can "beat up" a kid) when the chick made fun of my father, calling him my “grandfather” …

19. i'm fiercely protective of those i love ... DO NOT mess with my family ... leave that to me.

18. i'm not short, i'm concentrated.

17. as a little girl, i would approach boys who were older than i ... motioning with boxing fists i'd ask, "hey boys, wanna fight?" i seriously thought that was how to make friends.

16. i have a different valuation system than most ... my currency is shoes ... so a house that is worth $200,000 canadian, converted to shoe currency, is worth about 4000 pairs of shoes ... but when shopping for shoes, i typically use the canadian dollar as my valuation source.

15. when i was about 10 my baby brother found a styrofoam cup on the street and picked it up ... my mom scolded him for doing that because "you never know whose dirty mouth was on it." i feared my brother may have contracted AIDS from touching that cup, so i ran back and touched it too ... because if he had AIDS, i wouldn't let him have it alone ...

14. i tried to get my little brother in trouble by teaching him how to climb out of his crib, and then bribed him with fake chocolate bars to lure him out ... even after (or maybe because) my parents said he'd get in “big trouble” if he climbed out again.

The Booby Trap with 'Charlie Chaplin'

13. i used to be a charlie chaplin impersonator ... sometimes people didn't know if i was a guy or a girl ... sometimes older women felt me up to make that determination.

12. i probably got felt up more as a chaplin impersonator than most prostitutes … 

11. i'm afraid of almost everything, but always do things that i fear.

10. though i fear water, i spent 48 consecutive hours submerged in a tank of 40,000 litres of it, to broadcast live on the radio as "danger girl" and raise money for sick kids ... i had no washroom, so i peed in the water - a lot ... there may have been 41,000 litres of liquid when i was done.

9. someone once stole my bike. i happened upon it about a month later. i stole it back.

8. i have a big problem making small decisions ... even choosing the colour of my underwear can be agonizing.

7. if you truly deserve it, i'm the type of person who is more likely to call you a bitch to your face than behind your back. just ask my cousin, jennifer.

6. i was mistaken for a hooker when i slept on the wrong beach in israel. another time, in my mid-twenties i was mistaken for a 16-year-old by a 40-something trying to pick me up. actually, that happened many times (grossitating).

5. i can often tell when people lie to me, but will rarely call anyone out on it. momma knows, child. momma knows.

4. i have never done (non-prescription) drugs in my life, but in high school my dad thought i was a druggie and a dealer and warned all my (druggie) friends' parents of such.

3. i wish i were a tall chick, like 5'2" or even 5'3".

2. i'm super-left wing, and right about everything. (and i enjoy making fun of myself with "jokes" that people don't find funny.)

1. i eat so many blackberries, you could probably send a text on me – oops, gotta go – i’m ringing… (xoxo)

(0. this one is zero, so it doesn't really count and we'll just have to pretend it was never here ... but thanks to an old friend's comment below ... i have added it to this list ... i used to be a table tennis champion. seriously. #1 ranked junior girl in the country. and #1 ridiculed girl at school.)

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