In other news, the UN also elected the KKK to its Commission of the Status of Israel and Nigeria.
The humanitarian organization, proud of this stride in democracy, made the announcement about Iranâs accomplishment in a recent press release, buried about 2000 words in.
Iran will serve alongside 10 other nations on the body, and was âelected by acclamation.â
Meaning, there was no open vote requested or required by any member states. Not even the United States.
"It's part of the theory of hug-a-Nazi-make-a-liberal. If you treat gangsters in a pleasant way and watch out for their sensitivity, they'll reform," said Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA), the ranking member on the House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee on International Organizations, Human Right and Oversight.
But perhaps no one questioned this, because everyone already knows the answers.
âIran, how do you feel about women?â
Since âBoobquake,â everybody must know how Iran feels about women.
As Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi informed the world, and modern science, "Many women who do not dress modestly â¦lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."
Since then, the mammary monitor has replaced the Richter scale.
(And you probably always thought that BC and California were more prone to earthquakes because of the âfault line.â Hello! Pam Anderson is from BC, and lives in the Sunshine State.)
Earthquakes and scienceâs limitations aside, maybe a good question to ask Iran, or the UN â or even the United States would be:
Why do you hand a four-year seat on the influential human rights body to a theocratic state in which stonings and lashings are lawful punishments for âimmodestâ women.
Under the guise of enforcing Islamic law, Iranian women have been subjected to a range of discriminatory laws and practices.
A report released in February by the HRW, documents widespread human rights violations since last Juneâs disputed presidential election, including extra-judicial killings, rape and torture in detention, and extensive violations of the right to freedom of assembly and expression.
Now Iran gets to exercise its knowledge on womenâs rights, as the mission of the Commission on the Status of Women is to "set global standards and formulate concrete policies to promote gender equality and advancement of women worldwide."
Itâs like letting Paula Deen set the standard for healthy eating. (But to Paulaâs credit, at least everyone would be happier. Instead of stoning and lashing, there would be buttering and battering.)
So, how much will things change now that Iran is charged with a position of authority in a human rights body?
Most likely, nothing will change.
But that is the problem.
Because it doesnât matter whether or not the UNâs bogus bodies affect change.
What matters is that nothing is changing. Iran continually takes every conceivable step to deter womenâs equality, and its citizensâ equality.
A country that is perpetually ranked as one of the poorest in the world (poverty, freedom, and Internet freedom), pools all of its resources to produce nuclear energy, while threatening the existence of Israel and other countries.
And while the world stands by, and laughs at Iranâs Boobquake comments or dismays over its treatment of women, the UN and the US stand by and reward Iran with a position of democratic authority.
Who knows? Maybe this is merely a plan for the UN and the US to keep a more watchful eye on Iran.
You know, keep your enemies close and your friends closer.