You should have seen all the paparazzi following me after this appearance on "The Morning Show." Or maybe getting whacked with a racket by the host just made me see things.
It's a bird ... It's a plane ... No! Wait! It's Dahlia flying a plane! (And I may or may not have flown illegally close to the CN Tower.)
Now, I have established a reputation as one who fights for her right not to vote, because regardless who wins most elections, I will be unhappy with the outcome.
It’s like asking me if I want pork or chicken for supper. I am vegetarian. I choose neither. And with all the pigs and chickens on our election ballots, there is no point for me to vote.
Quite frankly, though the mainstream parties in Canada run the left-centre-right gamut, they are each just slight variations of the other.
The NDP is as left-wing as a chicken with one wing (a right one), the Conservatives are as right-wing as the Liberals when catering to the popular vote, while the Liberals are quite liberal with their ineptness.
What company can turn news of consumer price increases into constant nationwide news-mercials that leave anchors and viewers yearning for a donut and a double double?
Hint: Its business name is missing an apostrophe (and some would argue a dollar sign too).
Yes. Tim Hortons. Or perhaps, more grammatically - and realistically - appropriate: Tim Horton’$.
For the past couple weeks Canada’s coffee shop has warned (or brilliantly advertised) of its four per cent price increase effective April 11, 2011.
Perhaps even more elusive than the cure for the common cold, I have discovered the cure for homelessness. Not only that, but it will make a lot of people rich, and I’m not just talking about the homeless.
Face it, society does not like homeless people. They are sore-filled eyesores who waste space and sleep in waste. They’re dirty, stinky, and sometimes scary.
Walking portraits of our worst fears.
Toronto’s new mayor, Rob Ford, says, “We can’t leave people on the sidewalks freezing to death.”
No kidding. Have you ever tried to scrape frozen trash off your garbage bin in winter? Imagine how difficult it would be to get a frozen, dead homeless person off the sidewalk.
As it stands, right now, I refuse to vote for Toronto’s next mayor. This does not mean that I am not participating in the vote. Nonetheless, in this article I present to you a campaign. You see, I am campaigning against everyone who claims it's your democratic duty to vote.
I am fighting for my right not to vote.
And quite frankly, Nellie McClung would be proud.
With all this G20 Armageddon madness happening in Toronto right now, it seems entirely appropriate that I write about…
Because you can never have enough bags, but you can certainly have enough G20.
True story: The other day I’m at the pharmacy waiting in line, while the lady in front of me pays for a greeting card. This woman asks the cashier for a bag. The cashier gives the stock-Toronto response, “That’ll be five cents, please.”
(Yeah, you got me. She didn’t actually say “please.” Please isn’t really part of any stock-Toronto vernacular, but that’s another story.)
You make a dinner reservation, but have to wait six months to get in.
Then you arrive on time for your reservation, only to sit there for two hours before getting seated at your table.
You order food. The waiter is rude. Presentation is half-ass. And the dinner leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
You pay through the roof. Didn’t like the food. And wasted your time.
Would you return to a restaurant like that? Would you deal with a business like that? That service is not acceptable.
So why do we accept that from so many doctors in Canada?
I spent two weekends in a row at the WR: The waiting room. Otherwise known as the ER or “emergency room.”
Not to sound entitled, but there are certain things one expects from universal healthcare.
Universality, being one.
And, finally, care.
You see, my father has a heart condition. Over the past eight weeks his heart has been beating down the days until his quadruple bypass surgery. Meanwhile, there has been a complication from a related procedure, and he developed a dangerous aneurysm in his arm.
Left untreated, he could have lost his arm - or even his life. In this instance, thank goodness, he only lost his mind.
Today a newsvertisement revealed that Cascades has come out with a new antibacterial paper towel. This intends to make up for sloppy hand washing practices.
In other news, proper hand washing makes up for sloppy hand washing practices. (And it’s more cost-effective!)
So a couple of things are irksome about this: