If you gave someone fighting cancer $1 million, could that make it go away? What about $10 million? Maybe $100 million? David Bowie had a net worth of $230 million. And his fight against cancer still ended tragically.
And if you gave someone dealing with mental illness $100 million - or any amount of money - could that make it go away? Unfortunately, some of the most qualified people to answer that question have already taken their own lives.
”When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.” – Gwyneth Paltrow
Oh the lies people tell.
The above quote is from the constantly acting actress’ crookbook, My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness.
The queen of the humble brag had other noteworthy delectables such as, “You just need some good ingredients and a few simple recipes, maybe a couple of jokes or a ‘topic to dissect’ at the table, the way they do at Nora Ephron’s house.”
Good thing most of you sit when you read, or there may be many injuries after tripping over the late writer’s name there – or other celebrity friend names casually littered throughout, as if Gwynnie’s referring to everyday buds we all share.
Not only has bragging become socially acceptable, but it has also become the basis of our social value.
Enter the humble brag – or *humble brag* <enter>, as it were.
Remember when we were taught not to be boastful? Well, today social media is training us not to be caught being boastful.
Back in 2010, comic writer Harris Wittels coined the term humble brag, which describes an attempt to crow about oneself whilst casually presenting it under a veil of false humility.
As a national columnist, who has the opportunity to attend fun events and receive cool perks, I am certainly a repeat offender on this front. (See what I did there?)
In the light of the $78-million price tag attached to the royal wedding, mainly attributed to British taxpayers, and due to its potential cost of $47 billion to Britain’s economy, I must state the obvious: It’s entirely unfair that celebrities have to pay for their own weddings, and dare I say, their own homes too.
Now, before you get your knickers in a bunch, allow me to explain…
As with many markets around the world, the British have been subjects of an historically feeble economy. High unemployment, a weak consumer, and rising inflation, all crave one thing: a strong investment.
The other night, much of the world was oblivious to the horrible suffering endured by 1 billion people, and I'm not talking about the poor and disenfranchised.
I’m talking about the estimated worldwide audience that watched the Oscars telecast …
In hopes of conquering such strife, back in February, I called for a metaphoric colon cleanse of society - “Fodder-Free February.” The mission was a month-long moratorium on famous people who are well suited for passing through our bowels.
It would be a month free of banal celebrity gossip. (Luckily, I chose the shortest month of the year.)
There has been a lot of backlash over an article by Marie Claire writer Maura Kelly. Her story focuses on Mike & Molly, a sit-com about two overweight people, and her disgust in watching fat people … do pretty much anything.
First, I want to congratulate Marie Claire on a successful PR strategy. Publish an unfavourable, media-grabbing, society-polarizing, controversial piece, then counter with a series of stories opposing it, siding with the public-at-large.
Well played, Ms. Claire. Well played.
Second, I want to take this opportunity to voice my disgust in watching skinny people, do pretty much everything on TV.
If you haven’t already watched The Little Couple on TLC, allow me to explain the brilliant concept behind this show: It focuses on the everyday life of a dwarf couple.
If you haven’t already watched shows on TLC, allow me to explain the brilliant concept behind the network: it focuses on super tall, super skinny or super obese people, and, of course, lest we forget, super fertile, and super medically-induced fertile people. But mostly it’s either about people who make cakes, cupcakes or confection - little people who make cakes, cupcakes or confection - or little people in general.
I say, enough with the over-tall and extra-small. It is time for average. Allow me to present my official pitch to TLC, The Medium Couple: starring, Dahlia Kurtz and her medium boy.
Sometimes I can’t think of anything to write.
This is one of those times.
So I’m going to write about nothing: Kate Gosselin.
Go ahead, pretend as if you don’t know who she is, and I will pretend as if I never wrote this.
While we’re at it, let’s just say I’ve grown four inches and I’m the dreamy, modelesque height of five foot four.
Oooh, I like this game.