Dear Tyra,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve decided to end your show after five long seasons, but I understand you have bigger weaves to try.

True, you did stop wearing those weaves this year to show one can be naturally beautiful - after having her hair professionally done by an on-salary stylist who follows her obediently around the world.

Oh what a wicked web we leave, when first we practice without a weave.

Sex and the City has been called a groundbreaking show that ushered in a new era of female empowerment. Whether or not you feel that walking blocks on end in $800 stilettos, constantly (pretending to be) eating high-calorie foods, and having lots of sex is empowering, is irrelevant.

At issue here is something far greater than designer clothes and limitless bank accounts, in a city that eats money faster than Samantha can spread em-mental cheese on a bagel stick.

If SATC is so empowering to women, why does its sequel take place in “Abu Dhabi” (as played by Morocco)?

Darling Readers,

I apologize for the lack of stories this week. I'm recovering from a cortisone shot gone bad. (Which is redundant to say, since all cortisone shots I get seem to ruin my life - at least temporarily... until the next one.)

So my right arm is out of commission. See, I am not always right, but somehow I'm still always write.

dahliaxoxo

I spent two weekends in a row at the WR: The waiting room. Otherwise known as the ER or “emergency room.”

Not to sound entitled, but there are certain things one expects from universal healthcare.

Universality, being one.

Health, another.

And, finally, care.

You see, my father has a heart condition. Over the past eight weeks his heart has been beating down the days until his quadruple bypass surgery. Meanwhile, there has been a complication from a related procedure, and he developed a dangerous aneurysm in his arm.

Left untreated, he could have lost his arm - or even his life. In this instance, thank goodness, he only lost his mind.

Today a newsvertisement revealed that Cascades has come out with a new antibacterial paper towel. This intends to make up for sloppy hand washing practices.

In other news, proper hand washing makes up for sloppy hand washing practices. (And it’s more cost-effective!)

So a couple of things are irksome about this:

Reality TV is about to get its cherry popped by something it has never seen before: a virginity auction.

Australian filmmaker, Justin Sisely, is the brain(less)child behind this adventure, or romp, as it were.

This is not the first virginity auction ever. They happen all over the world. But it is the first ever that could potentially be nominated for an Emmy.

About a year ago, Sisely began a real cherry picking mission – recruiting virgins willing to sell themselves to the highest bidder.

Virgins will get their $15,000, 15-minutes, and at least a solid 15 seconds of something else.

The Animal Holocaust started a few days ago, and since has created a media firestorm. Now the Ontario Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is storm(troop)ing back.

In the OSPCA’s first address to the media in the past couple days, as it avoided all calls and communication earlier, its chairman, Rob Godfrey said, "Yeah, the good news is that there's not gonna be mass euthanasia."

At the time of publishing, 99 animals had already been euthanized by the OSPCA’s Newmarket shelter, due to a highly treatable ringworm infection.

NINETY-NINE is NOT mass murder, Mr. Godfrey?

Imagine you lived in an apartment block and got a treatable infection.

Imagine this infection spread to most people in the building.

Imagine it was too expensive or time consuming to treat, so the governing body of the apartment complex decided that everybody in the building – whether infected or not with this treatable disease – had to be euthanized. Killed.

This is only imaginary, thank goodness. Because something like this would never happen… to humans.

Something like this is happening right now however, to dogs, cats, and other animals - about 350 of them.

There is a job opening at the US Department of Homeland Security, and you may be eligible for a high-tech, front-line security position. Not only will America depend upon you, but so will the rest of the world.

Of course, in order to find out who is worthy of the position, there is a list of criteria (as found at JobMonkey.com) to weed out the riff-raff:

Position: Airport Screening Officer

Qualifications: An entry-level job, requiring only a high school diploma or GED. All training is provided on the job, although most new hires will have to take a 12-hour instructional class.

Yes, my hair is curly. Yes, my hair is crazy. Yes, I have a Jew-fro.

And I couldn’t be prouder.

The bigger the better.

I may not have been blessed with height, but my hair certainly makes up for that – with at least an extra three or four vertical inches (and many more in diameter).

When I was younger, I made mistakes. I brushed the curl – when it was dry. That’s like waking a bear from a lengthy hibernation. Bad things happen. And kids made fun of me.