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”When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.” – Gwyneth Paltrow

Oh the lies people tell.

The above quote is from the constantly acting actress’ crookbook, My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness.

The queen of the humble brag had other noteworthy delectables such as, “You just need some good ingredients and a few simple recipes, maybe a couple of jokes or a ‘topic to dissect’ at the table, the way they do at Nora Ephron’s house.”

Good thing most of you sit when you read, or there may be many injuries after tripping over the late writer’s name there – or other celebrity friend names casually littered throughout, as if Gwynnie’s referring to everyday buds we all share.


 
 
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The other night, much of the world was oblivious to the horrible suffering endured by 1 billion people, and I'm not talking about the poor and disenfranchised.

I’m talking about the estimated worldwide audience that watched the Oscars telecast …

In hopes of conquering such strife, back in February, I called for a metaphoric colon cleanse of society - “Fodder-Free February.” The mission was a month-long moratorium on famous people who are well suited for passing through our bowels.

It would be a month free of banal celebrity gossip. (Luckily, I chose the shortest month of the year.)

 
 
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I found the 2011 Golden Globe Awards highly offensive, and I'm not just talking about Natalie Portman's dress.

Honestly, I have only myself to blame for this. Why did I have to watch? At least I came to my senses about an hour in, when I turned the channel. (Thank you, Weather Network.)

Still, even though I didn’t watch the full four-hour telecast, I watched a couple hours of the pre-show – practically a week in Hollywood years.

I should have learned my lesson last year, after taking in sub-idiotic red carpet exchanges, including:

 
 
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TV makes people fat.

Just not for the reasons you think.

We laze there stuffing our faces with junk, such as Oprah, 90210, Jersey Shore, American Idol, and the like. Sure, we also stuff our mouths with over-processed, under-nourished snack foods, but we stuff our minds with something that may be even worse.

Unrealistic ideals.

If TV (and other media) didn’t try so hard to portray skinny as the ultimate image, there would not be as many fat people.

 
 
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While everyone praises her, I can’t just sit back expressionless, while Teri Hatcher touts that she is plastic surgery and Botox free.

I call Bo-crap.

Recently, this important news story broke on CNN and the other major news networks. (Hey, if it is good enough for TMZ it is good enough for CNN.)