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I found the 2011 Golden Globe Awards highly offensive, and I'm not just talking about Natalie Portman's dress.

Honestly, I have only myself to blame for this. Why did I have to watch? At least I came to my senses about an hour in, when I turned the channel. (Thank you, Weather Network.)

Still, even though I didn’t watch the full four-hour telecast, I watched a couple hours of the pre-show – practically a week in Hollywood years.

I should have learned my lesson last year, after taking in sub-idiotic red carpet exchanges, including: